I used to think I didn’t struggle with anxiety because I was not always on edge or jumpy. Then I realized my anxiety is internalized, like having a number of tabs open in a web browser, or programs open at once on a computer, flipping through from one to the next, with thoughts of, “Oh I forgot this…let me look at that….wait, what about the other thing?”. I realized this is also anxiety, it just doesn’t show on the outside. Perhaps in some ways it’s worse, since when it’s internalized others don’t recognize it and aren’t able to help.
I find this type of anxiety is worse for me at night. In fact, I wrote this at night, when I should have been sleeping! Some nights, when bedtime arrives and I am settled in, ready for some much-needed rest, up pop the tabs! My mind starts racing, jumping from one topic to the next and back again, and I get frustrated! I don’t only get anxious about the things in all these tabs, I also get anxious about how much sleep I am losing because of them! The more I fixate on them the more anxious I become.
What is my solution? It’s not an easy one, but one that works for me. When my mind is going crazy, I pick one thing, and fixate on that. It might be one of the open tabs, or something completely different. Sometimes it is singing a simple childhood song in my head, counting backwards from a big number (so I have to concentrate on what I’m thinking about) or reliving memories of a favorite day, concentrating on every detail of that day. I also have a meditation app that I listen to sometimes that helps me concentrate on a story or positive thoughts.
The hardest part of this process is sticking to the one thing. When other thoughts pop up, I have to intentionally shut them down and go back to what I want to think about. It’s not always easy and might take a lot of practice. (Don’t let this add to your anxiety!) But I guarantee you can train your brain when you stick to it. Soon it will become a familiar practice and sleep will come more easily.
Is nighttime anxiety something you struggle with? What helps you? Please share with us in the comments section!